I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
