Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
