We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
