Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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