i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
As shirtless as possible
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
