Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
