His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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