I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
