Me. At least after what I've been through.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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