Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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