i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
