my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
