R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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