I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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