Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Randomize
