My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm like, not good at living.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
