You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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