That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
