Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
