i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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