well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
