He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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