dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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