every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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