i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
