We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
