When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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