my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Randomize
