life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
