i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
