These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
