This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
