I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
