I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
