roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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