Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
