Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
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