Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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