Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Randomize
