I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
