I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
