If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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