So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
