i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
