I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I have feelings that need drinking.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
