I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
