I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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