shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
