She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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