Too much gin, very little bucket
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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