For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
