Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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