I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
